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I wrote down some reasons why I thought people in non-monogamous relationships would cheat

Other people cited things like the influence of alcohol or just a desire for excitement or for novelty or attention. Of those 104 participants there were 6, who did say that they desired an open or a polyamorous relationship and that was their motivation for cheating. They did find that there wasn’t really a significant difference between genders. They did find that those who reported engaging in infidelity because of unmet interdependence needs and in particular, unmet intimacy needs, were more avoidantly attached than those who didn’t reference having some unmet interdependence needs, which is fascinating.

Emily: I https://lovingwomen.org/no/romersk-brud/ think, again, I’m just hypothesizing but potentially in hierarchical relationships, that potentially would be more of a thing that might happen, I don’t know

In contrast, those who reported engaging in infidelity because of unmet independence needs were more anxiously attached than those who didn’t report that. That’s so interesting because the way that my brain works, I would think, oh, anxious attached, you always want more of that connection. You want more of that intimacy. That’s what you’re pursuing. If you’re avoidant attached, you’re always wanting more of that independence and more of that autonomy and it’s actually swoopy swapped, at least, in this study, which is super interesting.

Jase: That would be something interesting to have a study that looks more into that specifically because this is still a pretty small study of a fairly narrow group. That’d be interesting to take that further. You researchers out there, feel free to take that one.

Jase: Yes. Just put like a little thanks to me in your abstract or something. Don’t even worry about it.

Maybe you’re not getting that from your priple, or searching for something that you’re not getting out of your current relationship, things like that

Emily: Just a brief quote from the article was, participating in infidelity may be another way that emerging adults attempt to meet their needs for independence in interdependence. As emerging adulthood can be trying and daunting time for young people, the decision to engage in infidelity is likely a form of relationship exploration and experimentation. With all of that, I’m curious because a lot of these things like trying to get more intimacy or quality time or alleviate boredom or being autonomous, things like that feel like reasons why people enter into polyamorous relationships. That to me makes me, makes me think that the reasons why people who are in traditional relationships cheat versus those in non-monogamous relationships would be separate, would be different, rather.

Jase: That is an interesting hypothesis to do a study about. You presented that just like a hypothesis. It’s like, this seems to me that this would be the case, let’s test it. Now I want to see that study.

Dedeker: I also don’t think that’s necessarily exclusive because I could certainly see a lot of people who are already in an active polyamorous or open relationship still having unmet intimacy needs or autonomy needs. I think I could see that still motivating someone deciding to go against an agreement or to lie to their partner or to do something different from what they said that they would do, because that’s also still a thing that would motivate them.

They included like thrill of the secrecy or forbidden nature of doing something that you shouldn’t, which goes along with monogamy as well, but wanting newness or recognition of excitement or pleasure. I don’t know any others.

Jase: I could see the thrill seeking. I could also see it being a result of wanting to have some an experience that’s less complicated, especially if there’s difficulties with communication with existing partners, or just feeling like there’s so many hoops to jump through. That it’s like, “This will just be easier if I just did this quick thing this other way”. Let’s just brainstorm in here.