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I would need that recognition of calling what he did what it was

Struggling with trusting him, because of his family

I think they affair down with someone totally opposite of us because some part of them knows that not only is what they are doing wrong, but it is not the choice they want for their life. They don’t want to lose their ily, so by choosing someone they would never truly want to be with, it removes that destructive option from the equation. Just a thought.

I’m sorry. That is tough. An emotional Affair. Otherwise I would probably say something completely rude and nonproductive like, so you would be “ok” if I played with some toys? You would not consider that an “affair”?

It disgust me that she was his choice. I’m intelligent, attractive, stayed youthful, kind, humorous, and MORAL. I’m not perfect but I think I’m a pretty good catch. So I think what the heck is wrong with me if she was his choice. Why was she worth ruining our marriage and dragging me through the gutter? Because she was easy, simple and willing. She offered the fantasy of his youth. He wanted a Viagra pill for his ego and she offered that. I believe if she had taken better care of herself and presented herself better the EA would have turned physical when he went to see her (several states away). My H says otherwise but I cannot reconcile that with my common sense. Post d-day I would tell him I should send her a thank you note for being a skank because that’s what ended the EA. For me it data de asiafriendfinderA makes it harder to stomach that she was, probably still is, pathetic. It also speaks volumes about how crappy my H was feeling about himself at the time if she was his choice.

Anyway, fart on what the OW has or doesn’t have. I am desperately trying to not care. She is beautiful, clever, and charming. But, who cares.

So wasn’t easier because he let his family try and destroy our family, he let his family put shit on me and he believed it

The reasons? In his words, the affair was an escape from reality. He went into self-destruct mode. He was never physically attracted to her, although it was a PA as well. It was all about how she made him feel about himself and how he thought he looked reflected back from her. She was nobody and nothing special, she just was part of a perfect storm. He was at vulnerable point, and in her own words, she “pursued him aggressively”. He has said repeatedly that she did nothing, and was nothing special. She could have been anyone.

Thanks Strengthrequird. Strangely he did tell them that I was a good wife, etc., but unfortunately he threw in all the other crap as well. And of course his excuse is he doesn’t remember telling them anything bad about me, even when I show him proof of what they said. His answer is that they just made up their own scenarios about me and he never said anything negative about me. I guess it was just a coincidence that they were able to “make up” EXACTLY what was going on between us. Yes I guess our h are confused whatever, but that is no excuse for what they did to us.

She is definitely not worth the thought. To use your phrase, it could have been any other roach that crawled into the trash can he had made of his life back then. She’s a parasite, nothing more.

Exercisegrace, The reason your husband can’t “see” what could have been is because he is like my husband…… He’s talking out of his ass, which makes his eyes too shitty to actually “see” how it really is. Just sayin

Does the fact that your spouse did affair down make it easier or harder to take? I guess it makes it easier in a way, because I know what we have is more superior than what she could ever of hoped for with my h. Yet it makes me sick he chose someone like her to make him feel better and let her hurt our family. It makes it harder in a way too because, he let someone like her into our lives, when he should have remembered he had morals and self respect with me, he lost it with her. We almost lost our family because he lost faith in us. He listened to much to someone that was lost herself, he let her dictate what our life together was like instead of looking deep within himself to find the answer. He let her advise him on what my feelings were for him, when he should have known the right answer. He listened to someone that wouldn’t stand by her own h. He let her hurt our family. He believed she wanted the best for him. He watched as she left her kids behind as she went out with him, yet if I had done that to our kids he would have been disgusted. She made out she was perfect and he believed it. Yet he maintains that I was then only person he can trust, he can’t trust anyone like he trusts me. So where does that leave me now.

Then she discovered and old crush from her past on Facebook. They went from texting to EA and then to PA in a short amount of time. He was a distant father to his children and not devoted to his wife. He was self employed…if you could call it that. He didn’t even make enough to pay for my wife’s shoe habit let alone support her. His wife was supporting their household with her income. He was all about going out and having a good time at the expense of his family life…a good time Charley. Since he was not really working, him and my wife had plenty of spare time during the day…they were living an a fantasy world…without a care, while his wife and I unknowingly supported them.

Now here is the good news. YOU SOUND FREAKING AWESOME. You get to enjoy all your good Karma and you will have countless good women throwing themselves at you. You have learned a great deal about yourself and others at your expense both emotionally and financially. I hope and pray you find THE most wonderful person that you deserve. Don’t look back as a past failure. You were smart to cut your losses and move one. You have an opportunity to go find someone worthy of your goodness.

I am also certain that her affair was a part of a bigger mid-life crisis. She changed after she lost both of her parents…several months apart. With in that year she joined Facebook, re-connected with OM, and started cheating. Their deaths seemed to trigger on a re-evaluating of her life, thoughts of morality and a re-alignment of priorities. I don’t feel her affair was just a temporary loss of direction as some affairs seem to be. It was part of a major re-evaluation.