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The low-down on these two dating apps

So, I have this girl friend of mine who was in a relationship for around 6–7 years who recently went through a messy and tumultuous break up. Plates were thrown. Best friends were kissed. There was a big fight over the Ikea sofa. The usual dreadful stuff.

Tinder is full of a lottttt of people who know the app for what it is – a hook up app

It got pretty bad and I was definitely right in the middle for a while. Luckily, I went overseas and got a little break from the ‘she’s doing/he’s doing’ stories which was a life saver. Now, 6 months later, they’ve both moved on and basically, they’re all good.

I’m back in the country and my hot-as-anything friend, let’s call her Gloria, is now back on the dating scene and ready to rumble. Do I dare say tumble? First week that I was back she told me story after story of tinder matches, dates, 2nd dates etc.

But then… week 2 came around, we were drinking cheap bubbly ’cause I came back to London from overseas with ?20 and she told me she’s off the apps.

“Because every second person on tinder is a creep or stupid or boring. Sick of nothing hook-ups.” Gloria informs me not so gloriously.

The last time Gloria dated was pre-iPhone 5 let alone pre-tinder. Poor thing needed some help, so I did my research and came up with a few solutions:

1. F*** apps, get retro and find your old Nokia 3315 hit da clubs n bars in East London like in sex in the city. Maybe get a pager? I’ll be your Carrie Bradshaw beb.

2. Single life ain’t so bad. No partner, no mortgage and no kids = trips to Italy for Italian gigolos and pasta.

She seemed like she was committed to the dating app world and was not holding back (you go girl)

3. Tinder is about as saturated a market as the London pub scene. Maybe try something a lil different? happn has very many honeys on it.

Obviously I voted for number 1. But she went ahead with number 3. I still got my hair curled like Carrie though.

1. happn is way better at actually incorporating a bit of romance – the app works on the lovely notion of crossing paths with someone. They try to work with that moment when you may be walking the beach in the morning with a doggo and there’s this perfect other doggo-loving person coming directly toward you and you know that poetry is about to happen. Then, ol’ patch decides that now is the time for his morning business and just as you’re picking up the business this star-crossed lover is level and so you avert eyes and your rapidly blushing cheeks. Luckily you can then find this perfect person on happn later when you look over your timeline on the app. Happn works on the idea that you’ve actually been near this person before and it gives you that second chance to reach parhaat Jamaikan morsiamet out and say a little hello with no poo involved whatsoever.

2. If you’re after something a little more authentic and a little more genuine, happn seems to be where those people are at right now. The kinds of people who are both interesting and properly interested in finding something real. Doesn’t have to mean ‘the one’, but something where people have real connection. There may be less people on happn but there is that saying about quantity vs quality. And quality is definitely something to celebrate.

3. Happn feels heaps more personal. You create your profile, maybe link it up to your Spotify, and it puts you in contact with your local crowd – not the guy/girl who is 200ks away. Tinder has that infamous swiping mechanism that makes judging someone so detached, whereas happn has a little heart, a little ‘say hi’ and a little crush system which makes the whole process feel much more affectionate and compassionate.

Gloria and I are both the romantic types and this app just seems to walk that line of being casually romantic just right and that, in turn, attracts the right crowd.

If you’re over the DTF messages, the bintang singlets and photos that do NOT match the age of that guy, then try happn.