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Does she have needs that are not being met in the relationship?

3) It is not unreasonable, however, that she might be a little miffed and suspicious that you exchanged phone #s with some other girl (at a party?) without mentioning it to her until that new girl decided to call you.

4) It is not unreasonable to admit that the boundaries between same-sex and and opposite-sex friends (amongst heterosexuals) are different, especially when in a relationship.

5) It is not unreasonable for couples to conclude that making new single friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship is fine, but that certain activities are with those new friends are not – time alone in their apartment, for example.

You need to figure out where you and your gf stand in relation to all these issues, and sort them out. She might be nutso crazy and controlling, but she might just also be thinking WTF is my boyfriend doing giving his number to a girl he met at a party? It’s a different context than eating lunch with a new co-worker, and it’s silly to pretend that this is an all or nothing distinction between total control and total freedom. posted by modernnomad at 6:20 AM on [1 favorite]

You’ve been together for four years, I assume this is a new problem or you wouldn’t be so surprised by it. So my question is: what has changed? Is she going through something that’s making her feel insecure?

In my experience, jealousy and the desire for greater control over your significant other is usually a symptom of feeling insecure about the relationship in some way. If you can address these feelings of insecurity by talking to her about it, figuring out what’s going on, and taking steps to help her feel better, then the jealousy will fade. This jealousy seems quite extreme so don’t count on this being a quick or easy process, but if you’re up for it I sincerely believe it’s possible.

If she isn’t willing to work through it with you though, your relationship is doomed. This kind of reaction from her just is not something you should have to put up with long-term. Either fix it or get out. posted by mai at 7:55 AM on

I bet you don’t “make a point” of meeting your female friends’ boyfriends and talking about these boys “in a positive way” in order to make it “clear to everyone” that you’re not interested in sex with your chums

No. People make friends with people they like, for all sorts of reasons. I don’t think you learned the right lesson from your experience.

As for the OP, this reaction is crazy-ass-crazy. I suspect there is more to the story then what’s in this Ask.Mefi. That said, this reaction is something you need to sort out with your girlfriend. Getting confirmation her ass is crazy isn’t going to really help you in any way whatsoever. posted by chunking express at 9:02 filipino vakre kvinner AM on

Has something changed in your relationship?

I make it a point of meeting my bi and lesbian friends’ partners in the same way, actually, due to bi myself.

I agree with most of the coments here. Assuming you haven’t done anything to cause this, like cheating (even if she doesn’t actually know), then she is out of line.

I think the most likely scenerio is someone is/was cheating. Possibly one of her friends or their boyfriend cheated or maybe she cheated. She could be paranoid after something happened to one of her friends or projecting out of guilt/fear that you will do the same thing she did. posted by thekiltedwonder at 6:43 PM on